Living in the adrenaline rush of the Holy Spirit seems to be a trend in my life lately. Don’t get me wrong, this is absolutely wonderful and something I have prayed for years about. I have always wanted to live a life that was so dependent on the Spirit that it seemed He never stopped moving in my life. This was a bold prayer, and I knew it every time I prayed it. I prayed for this because I wanted my faith to abound from experiencing Him so personally there would never be a doubt in my mind that God is real, God is here, and God is good. Well friends, for over the last year He has very clearly made it known to me that He in fact heard my prayers. He has pushed me out of my comfort zone, in ways that felt more like I was being pushed off a cliff. He has challenged what I believe at my core to shake away anything that might hinder me from experiencing and understanding the fullness of the Gospel, stripping away any pride or legalism hiding in my heart. He has asked things of me and my family that make the story of Peter being called out to walk on water extremely relatable. Things that make you ask at the end of the day more often than not, “What on earth just happened, is happening, or could happen?
Daily life has become an adventure, and I love it. However, it has also revealed significant weaknesses in me that make all of these things and all of this personal and spiritual growth very hard. I am finding that my tendency to feel overwhelmed is a major factor that distracts me from keeping my eyes on what Jesus is asking me to do, and I begin to sink in the water I have been called out upon. When I think of all the things God is doing in my life and asking of me my first thought is, “YES! Let’s do this!” My second thought immediately following is, “Wait, what? Does He know who He is talking to? He talks to a lot of people 24/7, maybe he just thought he was talking to someone who is more qualified. Someone who doesn’t have two tiny humans to teach how to be people. Someone who is much more intelligent. Someone who is older and has the wisdom that comes with years of life and experiences.” This sounds silly as I write this, but this is the process my mind goes through almost every time He begins to move in my heart or in my life.
In the midst of a crazy day just a few weeks ago, God revealed something wonderful and amazing, yet potentially challenging (again) for our family. You see, our family is in vocational ministry and this often leads to big changes in our lives frequently. These challenges can be personal such as struggles to balance family life with work or the things we feel we are being called to do. It could also be spiritual, such as conviction to be more intentional about our own private relationships with Christ, or something else entirely that has more to do with how God is growing and moving our church. I was reading my Bible and came across Romans 9:17. “For this very purpose I have RAISED YOU UP that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” (emphasis mine)
In that one single moment, it was as if God reached down and chiseled again on my heart, molding it to look a little more like His (this usually happens daily, and is mostly painful, in all honesty). I was reminded that my very weaknesses are exactly why God has asked this of me. We are exactly where God has placed us, and he longs to show up and do big things because honestly, people are going to know it just had to be God because of the vessels he chooses to use as instruments (2 Timothy 2:21).
I love the instance in the book of Acts when God tells one of His followers that Paul was one of His chosen instruments (Acts 9:15), even though literally a day or two before he was the one murdering believers, simply because they claimed to know Jesus. This is the God we serve. This is His plan for us. To use us despite our sinful flesh and unfaithful hearts, so that HIS NAME might be proclaimed in all the earth. That people may know Him. Let’s be those broken vessels for His glory.